I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
