It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
