mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
