That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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