Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
