Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
