i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
