There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
