quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The struggles of a small town man whore
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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