apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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