Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have post one night stand depression
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