Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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