New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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