The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we're making bets on your personal life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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