her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
