OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
