Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
