I accidentally burped into my bong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
