its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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