Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
