i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
