flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
