remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
