At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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