I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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