Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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