OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
