If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
