I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
