matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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