after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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