My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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