Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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