i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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