eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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