he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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