Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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