How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
