she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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