i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
