Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
