Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
