Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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