I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
