Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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