Screwed.edu
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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