I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
