she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
