Moan for me like Helen Keller
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
