We're facebook friends in real life
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
