Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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