my phone needs a breathalizer
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
is that a dick in a sweater?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
